Joe Cafasso's profile

This was simply too long to put in the profile on blogger, so I thought I'd share it in a post and link it to the sidebar.

Born in 1956, I graduated from Carteret High School in Carteret, N.J., but claim I have a PhD in a variety of subjects, from nuclear physics to military affairs. I have never had a passport, and never left the United States, but have claimed that I was part of the Delta Force mission in Iran to rescue American hostages. I also like to tell people that I was the one who ran onto the burning C-130 a Desert One and saved the aircrew. Unfortunately I have never even seen a C-130 except in pictures, and I generally take the train when my mother would buy me a ticket. I was discharged from the Army at Fort Dix, New Jersey after only 44 days. The Army found me unsuitable for service and kicked me out as a private, but that hasn't stopped me from claiming that I'm a retired Lieutenant Colonel who served in Delta Force and was commander of all intelligence operations in the first Gulf War. I haven't had a real job since about 1993, but FOX News was stupid enough to actually believe my background and make me their top military analyst and Special Forces expert during the 2001/2002 war to liberate Afghanistan. I got a hoot out of that. The New York Times exposed me but I stalked and harassed the reporter to the point he hid, ha, that was neat.

Then I changed my name to Colonel Gerry Blackwood, lost 50 pounds, and changed my hair style! I was reborn! An all new American hero Colonel, speaking at prestigious universities like Columbia in New York and getting more journalists to believe my tales, this time how I worked on the White House staff and was really a CIA agent. I tried putting a patch over one eye, just to really tweak my war hero persona, but it made me cross-eyed, so I told people that Walter Reed repaired my war injury with a new procedure for CIA agents.

I am divorced, and have been thrown in jail periodically for nonpayment of child support, after all, kids are just a burden when your primary job is stalking women. I used to live with my mother and sister, until my mother died. Now my family barely speaks to me, so I live in a flop house in NYC where I can freely associate with people of my caliber, hookers, drug addicts, and other bums. But that still doesn't stop me from hanging out with high-powered people in powerful positions who don't bother to look into my background. Too bad for them. Nobody's ever seen me pick up a tab and I don't have to, I keep them occupied with my tales of heroism and military service and great stories about how I lost my entire company of soldiers in Vietnam who died before my very eyes. People feel sad for me, and gladly pay my bills. I guess they aren't smart enough to know I was too young for Vietnam - funny that no one knows enough math to figure it out. I also like to bother women because it makes me feel like a big man.

I have been a lawyer; a master diver; a knight, a marine specialist; a harbor master; an avid sailor; owner of a Clipper Ship at Bannister's Wharf; a surveyor; an architect; a White House staff member; the legislative director of the Associated Retired Aviation Professionals, an insurance lobbyist, a Lieutenant Colonel in Delta Force; a Colonel in CENTCOM; a doctor; a nuclear physicist; a biological weapons specialist; a master of martial arts; chief of humanitarian operations around the globe; a 25-year veteran of global emergencies running Presbyterian Disaster Assistance Efforts in southern Louisiana; a specialist in nuclear fission and weapons; consultant to the United States Senate and Congress; television editor and producer; a specialist in counterterrorism; and after I was fired from Fox - a Fox "Whistleblower"on a panel, made an appearance in Robert Greenwald's "Outfoxed"; masqueraded as: a retired lieutenant commander in the Navy Reserve serving with the Navy's Supervisor of Salvage; a specialist in weapons retrieval; a marine engineer and a marine salvage specialist, and a Maritime Severe Weather Spotter. Most of those things I made up, but some I actually did until I got dime'd out as a fake and fraud by people. I was the CIA source for several stupid journalists and authors, like the Columbia Journalism Review, the New York Magazine, and I even fooled Robert Pelton who thought he was so smart. I blogged at Stuporpatriots and most recently started a new blog and invented a new persona, Robin Storm. As Robert Stormer I moved in with a widow in Indiana who I embezzled from so she lost her houses and didn't bother to tell her when one of her dogs died.

My new venture is credit card scams, mostly unsuspecting stupid homely women that fall for my charm and intellectual style. Once I get their card number, it's all over but for the crying. And who cares about that, I'm laughing all the way to the bank. There's nothing they can do about it, anyway.

You might also want to check out Jay Cafasso's Resume here, and Lt. Col. Gerry Blackwood's Resume, here. (Both of them are products of my fertile imagination, and have worked for me for years!!)

Tipping the tophat to;
the lovely Samantha Burns, the hostess to this Open Trackbacks Weekend
and the unparalleled Ms. Cao, the hostess to this Sunday OTB

Joe Cafasso